I live in London. England. United Kingdom… but then, most of my readers already knew that. I guess there are always times where I find myself in an odd sort of surreal feeling about being here and that I actually live in this city, independent and without assistance. Being far from all you grew up with day in and day out, all alone, does that to you sometimes… or perhaps it’s just me.
My mum once said to me, and not too long ago, “you may not realise it, but you are in a battle every day to get through on you’re own. You don’t notice it because you just do it and get on with it.” At the time I was like “yeah, okay, I guess?”. I get it now though, because she was right, and strangely enough I notice it only when I isolate myself from sociability once in a while. Sociability (and London) seems to be good at keeping me distracted.
Getting by on your own doesn’t just mean having a job, or a roof over your head, or food to eat. The people you let into your life make a huge difference as well. Do not mistake the absence of misery for happiness. I am NOT miserable, by any means – however that does not mean that I am happy. I am in limbo – a middle space where you get by every day by habit and the fact that in the larger picture nothing is really wrong. Sure, I complain… hell, why lie? I bitch a lot. Women generally like to do that. If you are not particularly miserable your complaints are probably pretty feeble, however if you’re not happy either, you will complain about something. Which is what I do many of these recent days (sorry, Sherrie).
What am I trying to say, you ask? Leaving home isn’t easy. Life, isn’t easy… or fair. It’s an adventure. It’s uncomfortable. Then it becomes comfortable. It become natural. And then you stop and look from the sidelines and see that it’s still really not easy, it’s still not natural, it’s still not comfortable, you’ve merely just adapted. Humans are remarkably adaptable creatures. I have adapted, and I guess what I’m trying to say, is that our whole lives are just a constant adaptation to the variable factors that come and go in our time. What you need to learn, is how to transition smoothly. And sometimes, you even need to know when to keep yourself distracted.
On a lighter note, the cakes continue to be made. Last weekend another carrot cake was made to use up the last of the carrots and this weekend I made a lemon drizzle cake, which is not very pretty, but still pretty dang tasty. I’ve also used some of the cake fund to have a large delivery of key ingredients to keep me going for a few more weeks.
P.S. To Mum: Happy UK Mother’s Day!!